just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
