My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
