i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
should my penis look like a turkey
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
