This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
