I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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