Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We left the knife in your bed.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
