fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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