you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
