If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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