My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize