and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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