You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
