Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
