I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
