Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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