3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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