FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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