Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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