he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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