george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
