Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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