K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can text with my tongue
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
