We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's the barista slut.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
