My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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