So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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