I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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