I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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