I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
