Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
