I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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