i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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