I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
