why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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