hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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