Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
