I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
