I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
