Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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