if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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