I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
