I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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