So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
