Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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