I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
