We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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