if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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