i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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