Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
