I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
