I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
