Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
