You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
