Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
