I have demons in me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
