i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
