Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
