If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
