We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize