It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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