Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
