If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found the puke drawer
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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