Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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