so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This baby is an asshole
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
