so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
