I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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