Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
