if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
