Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize