I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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