I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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