I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
