Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
