she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
