Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
