I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
