god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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