The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
