I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
